DO YOU REALLY NOT KNOW, OR IS IT FEAR?

There was three little words I used to love to tell myself over and over in my 20s: "I don't know". If anyone asked what I wanted to do with my life, what I was good at, what I enjoyed to do - that was my go to response. The thing is, I kept saying I wanted to know. I was desperately looking for answers, a sense of purpose, to be able to see what my strengths were and understand how to use them.

But in reality, I didn't REALLY want to know - because it was far safer NOT knowing. By saying I didn't know, I didn't have to action anything. I didn't have to step outside my comfort zone, grow, evolve or change. Although the not knowing also came with a level of discomfort, there was certainty in knowing what that kind of discomfort brought me.

The thing is, when we say 'I don't know', we immediately stop looking for a solution. It's a full stop, a handbrake on our dreams and any possibility. And sometimes, it's a safety mechanism to protect us from the fear of the unknown on the other side of expansion. I've noticed these three words creep back in over the last few months. Then during an embodiment practice this morning I heard the words, 'do you really not know, or is it fear?' (ummm yep, the latter!).

Last year was by far my most creative and expansive year to date. After making some big personal changes in 2021 (you can hear about that in this episode of the podcast), I finally had a clear run at creating everything I wanted. So I did - all of it. I had also never been more sure of myself thanks to the power of Human Design and it all felt so effortless. I left 2022 feeling so creatively fulfilled with my journal full to the brim of ideas I was ready to hit the ground running with in the new year.

Then...2023 came and laughed in the face of my plans. I hit a deep void. Now, i'm used to experiencing periods of hermit-ing and rest cycles now that i've embraced being a Manifestor. But I soon realised this was different. It was a full blown rebirth. And boy, have I resisted it.

Of course, perfectly timed and no coincidence (especially with the astro energy atm!), this month inside Catalyst we are exploring the topic of identity through our theme Renaissance (another word for rebirth). Then, a few days ago an old post popped up in Facebook memories where I had let go of the old identity of 'Confidence Coach' and I spoke of how liberated I felt releasing it.

It was a perfect reminder that no matter whether it be consciously or unconsciously, we can all get attached to parts of who we are (or think we SHOULD be) without even realising they're no longer working for us. Even the parts that might have fit us like a glove before. Even the parts that served us well. Even the parts that didn't really, but we have unconsciously been benefitting from in some way.

And so far, for me, 2023 has come with a spotlight on everything that was ready to be released. Every story, every belief. Stripped back to my core, simplified (a word that's been reverberating through my body for weeks). Moulded and shaped anew (even when I couldn't see it). And through it all, i've been trying to stay safely (and uncomfortably) in my not-knowing.

The truth is, I do know (as we always do!)...it's just bigger than I've thought I could hold. More responsibility than I felt capable of. And a new level of self love, worth and trust (and nervous system stability) I had to reach to make it possible. So this morning I ran head first into the fear, made friends with it and told it you can absolutely be here for the ride, but we're still going regardless.

Recently, I took absolutely everything off my vision board and replaced it with one thing: ME (in the form of a beautiful art work a client gave me of my HD chart). I started to play with the idea of what if I just simplified my only vision, my only goal right now to be even more of ME?

I returned to my original ethos.

1) That we have everything we will ever need inside of us.
2) That our true purpose is to be all of us and allow all we do to be an extension of that.

I went back to basics and gave MYSELF one of my Soul Blueprint sessions. I got honest about where my environment was out of alignment, where I wasn't honouring my natural motivation, where I hadn't been informing + initiating. I reminded myself of my purpose energetics and what i'm here for - and the natural gifts and wisdom I have to do that. And my soul exhaled in the simplicity of it all. BUT OF COURSE.

Because it's all there, all the time. We just sometimes forget. We sometimes go off path. We get lost in the external distractions, societal narratives and bend to all the should's we're conditioned with. But we always, always are just one choice away from returning to it and remembering who TF we are. And sometimes, we go through periods that sharpen our original design and allow us to utilise it even new ways.

This week, we entered a new astro new year (new beginnings), Aries SZN kicked off with a new moon in Aries (firey initiative energy) and Pluto (a catalyst for rebirth + revolution) just entered the chat by moving into Aquarius (all about individualisation & liberation).

Pluto moving into Aquarius also gives us a desire to clean up any repetitive patterns that aren't serving us, move into a new level of stability in our nervous system and become liberated in who we truly ARE...not who we've been told we should be.

If you're nodding along to any of those themes, I’d recommend checking out either a Human Design Readings, Soul Blueprint Sessions to support you with your own clairty.

Not sure which one is best for you? DM on IG @kirstenmorrison.co and let me know what you're experiencing most of currently and what your highest outcome would be and i'll make a recommendation for you :)

On our last Catalyst call, I shared with the women after our guest Hypnosis Session with Ella Worsley (that was OF COURSE about the process of metamorphosis) that I had seen a butterfly in my garden and been reminded of that process. I said something to myself that I want to share with you too: "It's ok if you're goo right now."

Because on the other side of that, is a transformation, a miracle, a version of you that is more beautiful than you could even dream of right now. And THIS phase is the fertiliser that you’ll stand on. Sending love to you in whatever phase of evolution you're in right now.

If you have a bit of time today, tonight or this weekend - i'd recommend tuning into this meditation and then asking yourself: What is life asking me to release? If did know, what would I want? What would be the next step towards that?

Then give yourself permission to take it.

Much love,

Kirsten xo